Fall, 1996

Here is a series of letters from the fall of 1996.  I was beginning my sophomore year of college, and Gram would turn 79 on October 20.  I love the way she writes about simple, daily events - nothing big, not too much detail - just enough to peek at her life and know her mood.

Sept. 23, 1996
Today Jen and Brian were here to mow the lawn and put up summer things.  One job was to clean out the bird houses.  Jen stuck her hand in, pulled out lots of hay, and out through the hole, right at me, came Mr. Mouse!  He was bigger by now and only one was here.  I bid him a fond farewell as he scampered away.

Oct. 12, 1996
This morning we went to Ashford for breakfast.  Ashford is 26 miles away and where my grandfather was born about 125 years ago.  Beautiful country and the sun shining on the frosty fields, with the brilliant color of the trees in the background, was at times, breathtaking.  This last frost killed the last of the plants - now I should get out and clean up the old plants.  But today I must do something with all the tomatoes I rescued from the frost.

Nov. 4, 1996
Yesterday, Uncle Peter and I went to antique stores in East Hampton looking for book cases for him.  We had a great day.  He is a good traveling companion and I had a good ride in that new Acura with the marshmellowy leather seats.

Last night smelled like winter, but today is sunshiny and I'm going to do some yard work...  Serena was here on Saturday and took us out to lunch for our birthdays.

Nov. 12, 1996
Your Mom, Dad, & Beth just left. They came out with an apple pie and a couple of books for Grampa.  Uncle Peter was here also.  We had a good time talking about "olden days" - when your parents were little.

Last night we went to a dinner and there was a hypnotist as the entertainment.  I was sore from laughing - only I wouldn't want to be the one hypnotized.  Tomorrow we are going to Vermont for 3 days, taking [Grampa] Bob's (one of them) daughter with us. Hope we don't have any snow storms.  Lois has never been to the farm before.  I'm anxious to hear her reaction.

Thank you for Grampa's card.  He had a nice birthday - even if it did pour.  He heard from all his kids and that's what counts.

Nov. 17, 1996
We came back from Vermont Thursday afternoon.  It snowed a bit for 3 days and was very cold - 10 deg.  Don't think the snow was enough to track a cat tho - so can't count snowstorms yet.  We had an indoor fire in the fireplace and it was nice and cozy.

Today we went to Taylor Marie's baptism. She is Harry's granddaughter and my 36th of 39 great-grandchildren.  As I looked around at so many grandchildren and great-grandchildren I thought, "Am I really responsible for all these kids?  Wow!!"

One thing in particular that strikes me is how she includes the weather in so many of her letters.  She does not just state that it was hot or cold, sunny or rainy, but gives the sense of it: the smell of winter, the frosty fields, the cozy fire.  This sense of nature was as important to her as the people and activities in her daily life.

I try to remember to be a part of the natural world, rather than apart from it.  When I am outside and feel a breeze touch my cheek, carrying with it the scent of pine, or magnolia, or winter, I smile up at the grand sky and think of Gram.

End of summer, 1996

Aug. 30, 1996
Grampa and I went over to Aunt Joanne's for supper and Uncle Peter came with his new Acura - talk about a sporty car!  The seats are leather, but feel like marshmallows, and they heat up in the winter.  You can play CDs as well as tapes.  Had an enjoyable ride in it, but guess I'll stick to our Buick...

I love Grammie's idea and description of a "sporty" car!  Imagine - it can play CDs!  Gram was never one to embrace technology.  I often wonder what she would think of her letters on this blog.  As I imagine attempting to explain to her what a blog is, I think she would respond with something like, "You're putting my letters on the whoosy-whatsit for people to read?!  Blog, blurp, bleh.  Well, go ahead.  I'll stick to good ol' pen and paper!"  I admire my grandmother for many things, but her stubbornness in refusing to learn new technology always bothered me.  It's one thing I've learned from her not to do - as we grow older, I think it's important to try keeping up with our ever-changing world.  That's not to say we should completely abandon or ignore the old ways of doing things.  But the world keeps moving, and some change is good.


Sept. 10, 1996
Somehow this hot humid weather does not give anyone a great deal of ambition.  So I'm sitting watching the birds and catching up on little things while Grampa sleeps.  We are not only feeding the birds & squirrels, but also a cute little chipmunk who lives in the stone wall.  He has to have a pile of seed also.  The only problem is - I  have to stand on a chair or stool to reach a couple of the feeders  I feel like a scrambling monkey...  It is time for the birds to start migrating, so maybe we will get some new and different birds at our feeder.

Now I think I'll make Grampa his favorite kind of jello - wild strawberry.  My father used to tell my mother, with a smile on his face, that jello was cold, sleezey, slimy stuff that slides right down your gullet!

I happen to love Jell-O, but oh, what a lovely, shivery description!  For some reason, I was actually surprised Jell-O was around back in my great-grandparents' time.  A quick bit of research shows it's been around since 1897.  I don't think the company would really appreciate my great-grandfather's testimonial, though...

New England Spring, 1996

Apr. 8, 1996
This morning looks like a winter wonderland in Connecticut - storm #13 for us.  The trees are loaded down with confectioner's sugar.  The bird feeder is piled high with marshmallow fluff - white everywhere and the sun is trying to break through, so it puts a sheen on everything.  I planted 32 pansy plants and now they are hiding under a blanket of white.

We had a good time at Beth's 16th party and it sure was nice to talk to you.  One of my fondest pictures (in my memory) is of the little girl with sparkling eyes, at my front door, saying, "You missed me, didn't you?", as though you had come to take care of me, instead of my taking care of you.

How is my tree?  Let's put a swing on that long branch and swing up to the sky!

Apr. 21, 1996
The rain came, the wind blew, and the pans on the porch filled with water.  It was a game to see if I could make it into the house without spilling the water.  Good old New England weather - one week 17" of snow and next week 7"of rain in a few hours.  But the trees are budding and the flowers are blooming, and the grass is growing...  Today was a beautiful day - smelled like Spring, the sky was so beautiful, changing much of the time, with the trees budded, reaching up to the heavens.  Grampa mentioned sleeping out tonight and I think it is a good idea - if it doesn't rain.

I love the poetic phrases Grammie uses in these cards.  Her writing style was always this way, with a bit of poetry, humor, and conversation - as though she was just talking to you on the phone.  The tree she mentions is a grand old London Plane tree on the library lawn at Vassar College.  It once had the longest unsuspended branch in the world.  What a swing that would have made!

Trees and Rodents! March, 1996

Mar. 24, 1996
And just guess what we saw out eating with the squirrels and coming out from under the oversized gazebo - 2 rats - one a real big fat one - the other smaller.  Don't know what we are going to do about them - get Beth to increase her rat population.  [My sister, Beth, had a pet rat - smart, sweet animal, actually!]


Today is nice, but we are going to a memorial service in Unionville.  We'll probably see lots of older people that I won't recognize.

Enjoyed your letter.  Did you send me this poem, or did I find it someplace else?  Wish I could remember!

"There is something mysteriously

beautiful about a dead tree

As it stands no longer resisting

the winds that strip its bark

and twist its trunk.

In sunshine, rain, or snow,

it seems to suggest a power

long after life has gone."

Grammie loved old, majestic trees, and even dead ones.  Every time I see a dead tree standing still among its younger peers, or alone in an open meadow, I think of her.  She could see the beauty in a thing many people find ugly or beneath their notice.  "A dead tree has character," she would say, pointing out its gnarled limbs and ravaged bark.  It, too, has a story to share.

With the power of the internet, I think I have found the origin of this "poem."  It is not a poem at all, but part of a presentation entitled "Trees Are Our Roots" by Ron Taven of the University of Missouri's Department of Horticulture for the annual conference of the International Society of Arboriculture in San Diego, California in August 1979.  The line "In sunshine, rain, or snow" has been added.  I sure wonder how Grammie came across those particular lines!  She was always cutting snippets out of newspapers and magazines - perhaps it found its way into an issue of Reader's Digest...

Mar. 31, 1996
I'm sucking on a butterscotch - mmm good!

This afternoon we were sitting out in our oversized gazebo in our lounge chairs, and I noticed 3 big holes in the blanket we leave out there.  So we pulled back the top mattress on Grampa's chair - it was fine.  We pulled back the top mattress on my chair and - lo and behold - there was a mouse nest and the pieces of the blanket - that's not all - there was the mouse.  I had been sitting in the chair for about an hour - it's a wonder I didn't squash him.  Well, we gave that mouse a talking to - told him he was invading people territory and it was time to leave.  Then, Grampa showed him the door.  

He must have squeezed in under the door - no wonder there were no nests in the birdhouses this winter...

We have 8 birdhouses up and today a sparrow couple have decided to move into one.  The birds are starting with their mating songs and the air is full of music.  We got a bit of yard work done, but we spend a lot of time sitting and watching the birds.

Grammie loved seeing wildlife of ALL varieties, but she did not enjoy them in "people territory!"  The mice loved finding cozy places to live around Gram's house.  One spring, my sister Beth and I were helping Grammie clean out her birdhouses for the new birds to move in.  As we lifted the top of one birdhouse and peered in, two beady little eyes stared back at us.  We were so surprised to see the mouse in the house that we hopped back.  The mouse, upset by our disturbance, jumped out of that house onto Beth's shoulder, scampered down her arm and leg and bounded off under the stone wall in the back!  Gram, Beth, and I stared at each other with wide eyes for a moment longer before bursting into laughter - that mouse was more surprised than we were, we thought!

Degrees, Mar. 18, 1996

Yesterday, we went out to breakfast and then at noon, we went to a corn-beef and cabbage dinner.  I was so full - but Grampa was in "pig" heaven...  We have been watching the squirrel work his way onto the hanging feeder - but when he gets there - Grampa chases him down below.

I was figuring how many colleges I have been to, and I have come up with 20 (one in England) and 3 prep schools (1 in England).  But alas I didn't earn a single degree.  I do have 3 degrees though - an M.O.M., a G.R.A.M., and a G.G. degree.

A short note here - but full of insight into a longing Grammie never fulfilled.  Gram married right out of high school when she was 18.  She had been accepted at Simmons College outside of Boston, but declined to go because of her marriage ("I was married when I was 18 and wow! - did my chores begin then!").  By the time she was 23, she had 5 children, and a husband who turned out not to be Prince Charming.  Grammie was always quite candid with me that her one big regret in life was getting married so young.  She loved learning - did very well in high school - and would have excelled in college.  But, for whatever reason, she chose a different path.  She loved her children dearly, but she regretted her decision to start a family before she'd had a chance to further her own education.

Her love of reading and learning has been passed down to many of her children and grandchildren.  And she was certainly proud of all her progeny, and her role in their upbringing.  But I've always wondered, what would her life have been like if she had chosen the other path all those years ago?  Would she still have married young and had a large family?  Would she have become a teacher or librarian and worked for a while?  How would her outlook on life be different?

Those years with 5 young children and a not-really-there husband made a significant impact on a young woman.  Money was tight and she was often on her own.  Perhaps it was the loss of her own education that made her value those opportunities even more.

Degree or no, she did eventually become a librarian's assistant at Hartford Public High School - when she was 50 years old.  It was a job she adored.  "I was the secretary and I earned $62 a week to start.  When I retired I was earning $225 per week.  I worked there for 17 years.  Did anything and everything necessary in a library and I loved it."

Perhaps she never did go to college, but life experience taught her a hell of a lot: perseverance, self-reliance, and hope.  In the end, she earned the only degree that truly matters: love from her family, to whom she taught so much.

Days in February, 1996

Feb. 5, 1996
Sunday we took Grampa's daughter Missie and her husband up to Canaan.  Missie wanted to go to the Falls where she had gone as a little girl.  Well - we didn't find those falls, but we did go to the falls Grampa and I had found years ago.  When we got to the road - it was not plowed but a car had been down there.  It is a very narrow road - but of course, we decided to go.  We had come this far - we weren't going to stop now - praying all the time we wouldn't meet a car and that we would stay in the track.  We made it and it was beautiful - the snow was so clean and real white.  The icicles hanging beside the swirling water were so pretty.  I took some pictures but really don't think they will do justice to the real beauty of it all.
As Grampa and I came home from Missie's we had the pleasure of a full moon.  We haven't been out at night for a long time.

Feb. 11, 1996
On a rainy Sunday afternoon...

Grampa is watching some weirdo movie - shoot 'em up, bang 'em down.  So I guess it's a good time to get my weekly writing done.

Uncle Peter was up in Vermont a week ago and Aunt G. wanted her chimney cleaned.  Someone gets up on the roof with an evergreen tree with a rope tied to the end of it.  Then the tree is lowered doen the chimey, with someone on the other end.  The tree is pulled up and down and loosens the soot - great to clean up.  Well, Peter climbed on the roof - tree and all, but the rope broke - tree got stuck.  I got laughing so hard at the picture of all this, that I forgot to ask him just how he got the tree unstuck!  So much for clean chimneys.

Grammie and Grampa loved to drive in the country, taking winding dirt roads that led who knows where.  Grampa had a good sense of direction, but Grammie did not.  The joke was that Grampa always had to make sure she had a full tank of gas in the car when she went out, since it was easy for her to get lost.  Some of my favorite driving memories happened with Gram and Grampa.  I remember taking the back roads with them up to Vermont - a longer drive but a more leisurely one.  We didn't have to rush to get there; we meandered and took our time, watching the scenery for stone walls and "moo-cows."  It was from her I learned the old wives' tale that when cows lie down, you should expect rain.  So I'd watch for cows along our drive to check the weather!

Up in Vermont, time was always slowed down.  The ever-changing modern world never seemed to encroach on the farm - even so modern an idea as a chimney sweep!  Uncle Peter was a sport - always helping out up there.  I can just imagine the look on his face when the rope broke, and I can hear Grammie laughing and laughing at this story.  Some modern conveniences might be worth it, after all, though I bet that was the freshest-smelling chimney around!

Bed and oven, Jan. 28, 1996

Grampa and I had quite a day on Friday.  It started out like any other morning, but after breakfast I decided we should start using our new exerciser.  So - I got on the machine and Grampa sat on the corner of the twin bed, and creak-crash!  The corner of the bed caved in!  The side rail cracked the whole length - such a surprised look on Grampa's face.

We did our exercising anyway.

Then it was time to get lunch - a new recipe.  I had things most ready for the oven (which I had turned on) - the phone rang - a salesman - and when I got rid of him and turned around - there was a lot of smoke coming from the oven.  I started opening windows - the smoke alarm finally went off.  The smoke alarm, attached to the burglar alarm, started screeching and the phone rang.  It was the alarm company wanting to see if everything was OK.  Well - by this time, Grampa finally came into the kitchen - he had been watching a cooking show.  Probably thought the smell and smoke came from the show.  So I couldn't put our dinner in the oven till I cleaned the oven - so we had something else to eat.

Then - it came time to clean the oven - what a job!  When I had rendered down some suet for the birds, unbeknownst to me, it had leaked into the oven - hence - the smoke and smell.  Or maybe the oven just needed cleaning.  So in order to clean the oven, I practically had to climb into it.  As my hindender was sticking out and my head was well into the oven - the thought came to me - where are Hansel and Gretel.  I don't want them to come push me into the oven!

This letter puts a smile on my face every time I read it - what a day!  We all have occasional days like this, where one thing after another seems to go wrong.  It can be hard to let go and laugh at the end of such a day, but I can see the smile on Gram's face as she wondered where Hansel and Gretel were.

In later years she would sometimes tell me, "I had to laugh, or else I'd cry."  Life got harder as she and Grampa got older - as it does for most of us.  Friends and family depart, our bodies no longer behave the way we expect them to, our minds do not always obey us, either.   But when we can take a breath and ponder for a moment, it helps to find a bit of humor among the other emotions crowding our minds.  True, Grammie was not always able to do this as she aged, but I still feel it is she who most often revealed this wisdom.