August 1997 - End of Summer

The end of summer... My sister Beth and I must have gone to spend the day with Gram & Grampa before heading back to school.  We would often help her clean or organize something, tasks that are always more enjoyable when done with someone.  Sometimes, though, we would get distracted by something else - a comedy show on TV, the story behind a knick-knack we were dusting, a request from Grampa to help with one of his endeavors, and more.  If we didn't get to finish the task we were originally planning to do, Grammie didn't mind.  She loved our company more than our help.

August 3, 1997

It was so good to have you girls with us - it gave me a bit of renewed force...  Here is one of your friendly enemies with his pile of food.  Look how fat he is...  Now it is Mon. morn - a grey but warm day.  And again, I'm trying to think of something to feed everyone without too much cooking... We have just realized that we have been driving around with plates that expired in Sept. '96.  So now we know we can't go anywhere till the Motor Vehicle opens on Tues.  We never got a form from MVD & one of the big shots that Grampa knows says that often happens - paper work does not get sent out.

August 11, 1997

It was a quiet weekend - no girls to liven up the place.  We are getting ready to go to Portland to look at a retirement home for Aunt G.  Next weekend Joanne & Aunt G are going to Vt. to start the task of cleaning out the farm - so sad after 5 generations.  The summer has flown and glorious Fall will soon be here.  Hope we have Aunt G. settled before the snow flies.

July 1997 - Memories of Yesteryear

 

July 20, 1997

Do you know this Hollywood star, hiding behind the dark glasses?  This picture was taken when I visited Uncle Peter in Calif...

Yesterday, Aunt G. & I went to Nathan Hale Homestead.  I really enjoyed the tour, even tho I had been there before.  It is a beautiful spot, your great, great grandmother lived right near there when she was a little girl - right after the Civil War...

It was good to get out and sorta relax...  Sometimes my nerves get a bit frazzled, but I guess I will endure.  Tonight I had a hot fudge sundae for supper - it was delicious.  Last night the moon was so bright I had to hide my head under a pillow.

July 29, 1997

As you know we went away for the weekend.  I had a very peaceful, relaxing time.  We visited a friend on Tyler Lake where I spent many happy hours so long ago.  We rode around the lake in a fairly large boat - compared to the rowboat we used to use.  We were on it about a 1/2 hr. & yrs ago, it took 1/2 a day to get around the lake rowing.  This is the lake & cottage (remodeled) of the famous dish cloth episode in our lives.

The 'dish cloth episode' Grammie mentions here is a story I love.  She and Grampa Bob were married later in life - when both were already grandparents (I was 8 when they married).  But they knew each other growing up and went to the same high school - Farmington High.  Grampa Bob, as I've mentioned in previous posts, was a jokester.  He loved teasing and joking; one of his favorite petnames for Gram was 'Shorty off the Pickle Boat' - I don't actually know the origin of that!  But clearly this was a character trait he had had a long time.  The story goes like this:

One day, in their teen years, Gram & a friend were at the house cleaning out some greasy cast-iron pans.  My Grampa and another friend walked in unexpectedly on the two girls.  Grammie immediately threw her dirty dish cloth at Grampa, hitting him square in the face.  He was so surprised, exclaiming indignantly, "What did I do?"  Grammie replied, "I don't know, but you must've done SOMETHING!" and then she and her friend high-tailed it out the door, giggling all the way.

Clearly this story made both Gram & Grampa laugh and evoked fond memories of their younger days, as they both remembered the incident 70 years later!

Interlude - A Mother's Kiss

Recently, my dad related a story to me of a special moment that happened for him at the end of Grammie's life.  He promised to write it down for me, so here it is:

In her later years, my mother constantly tried to extract a promise from me that she could die in her own home. The best I could do was promise to try… In the end, we did keep her home, doubtless far longer than we should have, but eventually we had to move her to a nursing home. By that time I believe her awareness of her surroundings was minimal.

Mom's left arm was essentially locked in place; she had not been able to move it or use it for quite some time, but the nursing home put her through physical therapy sessions to try to restore some use to the arm.  I was never sure the therapy made much sense; the physician's prognosis was that she would leave us within 6 months, and it was difficut to think of what use she would have for an arm that had failed her long ago.  But the therapy continued.

Near the end, about the only way I had to communicate with Mom was to arrive at meal time and offer to feed her while the nurse attended to some other patient.  I fed her a meal only a week or so before she decided to stop eating altogether.  I talked to her for a while, told her I loved her, and then proceeded to clean her up - her face, her shirt - but was surprised when she grabbed my hand with her left arm and gently raised it to her lips.

I sat and cried for half an hour.  Until the day I die, I will believe - I do know - that that was a last kiss from my mother.  Well worth the hours of therapy.

The picture above is my dad as a baby, being held by his mom.

July 1997 - Visits

In college I spent the summers doing internships, so Gram continued to send me cards.  It was something I could count on pretty much every week.

July 1, 1997

I have just helped Grampa get dressed.  He is going to buy a new lawn mower with his son Rich.  Uncle Dick is supposed to stop out for a short visit - haven't seen him in quite a while.  Then Aunt Joanne is coming over to "Aunt sit" while Grampa and I go out to lunch.  I'm still looking for some sort of miracle to solve the Aunt G. situation.  To top off everything, Uncle Donald called & wants me to come give him a haircut - isn't it great to be in such demand.  Guess I'd feel bad if I weren't.

July 7, 1997

Today we went to the outskirts of Springfield, MA.  And got lost.  We were all around where we wanted to be, and if I were a drinking woman I would have wanted a drink.  I was all for just coming back home - but we hung in there and got to the house (Greg & Angie's).  Mick came over on Sat. and did lots of odds and ends - one was washing the window.  What a big difference - for a while anyway.

Grammie was notorious for not having a good sense of direction!  Grampa joked he always had to send her out with a full tank of gas - just in case she got lost.  This time she must have been with Grampa, and they still got lost!  With Google maps and GPS, getting lost is a 'lost art' nowadays.  I often wonder what Gram would have made of that technology.  I think she would have loved going for drives along new backroads, getting lost - and then being assured she could find her way back with the touch of a button.  What mischief she might have gotten into!  I bet she would have discovered all sorts of little hidden gems among the county roads.

July 14, 1997

Well, the walk-in shower was to be put in today, but it has been postponed till tomorrow - so another day for Grampa to sponge bathe.  I'm trying to get a few things done before it gets too warm.  I just don't care for the hot weather.  It was nice spending her 20th birthday with my best friend.

My birthday is July 13, so I must have come home to celebrate!  Grammie always remembered birthdays.  She had a special little calendar book with everyone's birthdays marked on it.  You can guess that even if she couldn't be with all her progeny and friends to celebrate, she certainly sent a card. 💖

June 1997 - Sign of distress

 June 16, 1997

Grampa is home and very pleased to be here.  He gets around quite well with his walker.  He has finally decided he will not be able to do any of his outside projects.  But I'm sure he will come up with other thiings to do.  Aunt Gertrude spends most of her time in bed watching old movies.  Sometimes I feel like Cinderella, at the beck and call of her 2 stepsisters...

On Sat. I put the flag out and as I was backing out of the drive - to go get Grampa - I looked at the flag flying, and low and behold it was flying upside down - a sign of distress.  Well, I left it flying like that for the rest of the day.  But I didn't think it was possible to put the flag upside down.  But leave it to Gram - it was very easy...  Now, I must do a few things for Grampa - then Aunt G. needs help to straighten out her room.

This card needs no explanation!  It makes me laugh every time I read it - we've all had days like that when it feels like nothing is going right and we are overworked and tired.  But Grammie took it in stride and with humor.  I think she made sure the flag was upright after that...  :)

June 1997 - Suet Troubles

June 2, 1997

Where o where are the marshmallows?  The rock has pretty markings on it.  Gramp is now in the 2nd phase - a painful, tiring one - but he hopes to be home in a week or 10 days.  I think that will help him more than anything else.

I woke up to a noise this morning.  I thought it was Doug.  But I finally looked at the bird feeder and there was "Woody the Chuck" finishing off a brand new cake of suet.  Boy, did I ever chase him away!  Guess I'll have to bring in the suet at night...

Aunt Joanne and I are going to Vt. Tues. morn - and home on Wed. morn.  Kit is here from England and we would like to see her.  Hope things are settling in for you.  Lots of love.

June 9, 1997

This card is a switch from 2 girls in the field picking flowers.  The stars are really great!  I think we need to do more the ceiling.  I'm not going to tell Grampa - just let him be surprised at the Braman-Bopp [comet glow-in-the-dark sticker Grammie named after the real comet Hale-Bopp].

The birds are at the feeder, eating up a storm.  The suet will be all gone and I haven't found my "suet receipt" yet.  After all, I'm most 80 - phone rang - Bob's daughter, Missie - so I decided I was hungry, so now I'm eating a peanut butter and raisin sandwich with butter first on the bread.  I spent the afternoon truing to clean out bureau drawers so Aunt G. could have a place to put the stuff when she finally comes down - instead of dropping it on the floor.

Gram & I put up glow-in-the-dark star stickers on the ceiling of her closed-in porch where they often slept.  She loved being able to still look at the 'stars' at night, even though there was a roof over her head.  I love the mentions of the suet here.  She often talked about her birds and birdfeeders, and finding a good suet 'receipt' [old-fashioned word for recipe] was something she conitnued to search for.  I had forgotten about the peanut-butter and raisin sandwiches she mentions here!  It makes me happy that these little tidbits of her life are still present.

Porch living - May 1997

Grammie & Grampa loved sleeping outside on their porch.  Each year they would try to get out as early in the season as possible - April maybe - and stay out as late as possible - into November sometimes.  You can tell from her writing that she loved nature and the outdoors.

May 5, 1997

It was a bit frosty this morning when we woke up so I just buried my head under the blankets & stayed there for awhile.  Grampa puts on his winter jacket over his bathrobe, his hat & gloves - a cup of coffee in hand, and goes out to sit on the patio, where he talks to the birds and squirrels.  When I get up I put on the intercom and call him in for breakfast.  It was good to hear from you on Sunday, and I'm looking forward to your coming home, even for only a week.  Now I must get dressed and get outside & do some garden work, before the rain comes again tomorrow.  Lots of love.

These two postcards had art prints on the fronts; the one pictured below is The Betrothal II by Arshile Gorsky.  I love how Grammie doesn't hold back her thoughts on these abstract works!

May 12, 1997

Here is more art?  Sometimes I wonder what's inside people's heads.

The other afternoon I lay on the couch out on the porch, and watched the clouds roll by, a deep blue sky as a backdrop.  I looked thru the binoculars at the dead tree in the neighbor's yard.  There are lots of holes in the tree and I was hoping to see an owl peek out - but - no such luck.  I even was able to see into the neighbor's clothes pin bag & I looked for some "ya-buts" - but couldn't find any...

A hummingbird flew into the porch when Grampa opened the door.  He knocked himself out trying to get out.  I stood on the table & was able to reach him.  He was so so tiny & soft.  I set him outside on the rail and watched him for a half-hour.  He finally came to and flew away.  My good deed for the day.

When my sister and I were younger and Grampa would tell us a 'tall-tale' or the like, we would want to set him right.  So we would often start our counter-arguments with "Yeah, but..."  Grampa immediately stopped us to tell us that "ya-buts" were just little creatures that lived in grandma's clothes-pin bag. It frustrated us to no end!  We would have to come up with a different way to counter his tales!  Looking back, I can see it was a way he was teaching us to think carefully before we spoke and to reason out our arguments clearly.  Grampa was a jokester, but he was a thoughtful, intelligent man who deeply cared about people and the world.  Although he was actually my dad's step-father (Grammie's third husband), he was the only grandfather I knew, and I was very glad to have him in my life.

Birthdays - April 1997

When you have 8 kids, and they have kids, and your husband also has 8 kids, many of whom have kids.... Well, you end up going to a lot of birthday parties!  What's funny to me here is the mention of 'froth' that Grampa would be drinking.  I remember Grammie was trying to get him and herself to lose some weight, so they would drink Ensure or other protein-type drink.  Grampa didn't really like it - he loved to eat!  So they called it 'froth' because it seemed so insubstantial.  I don't know if it ever really did the trick in terms of losing weight though.

April 21, 1997

This morning we went to a 90th birthday brunch - so much food; and then in the afternoon we went to Grampa's granddaughter's (10 yrs) and grandson's (11 yrs) birthday party - more food!  Grampa was in hog heaven.  Now it's back to drinking froth and losing a bit of weight before his big day. [He was having surgery.]

April 27, 1997

We are just back from the 30th birthday party - our 5th birthday party in a week.  We are all 'caked out!  Hurrah!  We are finally sleeping out on the porch.  It really is nice... In the morning, Grampa goes to give a unit of blood and then in 2 weeks he gives another unit before his big day.  You will be home in about 3 wks.  Do you have your new room yet?

We went to Uncle Harry's 60th birthday dinner - just kids, Grampa & I.  But it was good to see all the kids - grown up and I don't see them too often, so it is good to catch up...

Little things - April 1997

As I have mentioned before, Grammie would often write about the little things that happened daily and her honest reactions to them.  Here she talks about the weather, the porch, birthdays, driving, food, and writing cards.  It's the last bit that I love the most - you can tell why card-writing was so important to her.  It was a way to connect with her loved ones.  She liked receiving cards in return, but it never really mattered to her if we responded.  She would write us just the same.

 April 6, 1997

Well weatherwise, a lot has happened since your last letter.  Out here we got 9".  Uncle Dick [in Granby, CT] got 24" - trees uprooted - no power for 2 1/2 days, and he & Bette were just back from Fla.  What a rude awakening they got - good old New England weather.  Hope we have seen the last of winter.

I talked to Mick - they got 30" in Hopkinton, MA.  The porch is almost finished except painting - hope it doesn't take another 3 mos. to get it all done - I'm anxious to get out here.

There were 13 squirrels in the yard this A.M.  The birds are singing - sure sign of Spring.

April 14, 1997

The new observatory [Class of '51 Vassar College Observatory] sounds great.  I'm glad its finished while you are still there.

The porch is most finished - a bit more.  Yesterday, Grampa & I were painting some strips & he said, "OK, let's turn it over."  Well, we did, but the paint can was in the way & it splashed all over me before hitting the floor.  We used our brushes to soak it up from the floor & painted lots of strips from what was on the floor.  As for my pants - well - guess they'll stay that way.  It is generally Grampa who is all paint - but the tables sure turned this time.

We went to Mick's house on Sat. for Zach's 4th birthday party.  There were about 15 kids - mostly under 4.  What a madhouse, especially after it started to rain & the kids all had to come in.

Then we came home in the pouring rain & fog.  Grampa was so sleepy that I had to drive.  We made it just in time - before it got too dark for me to see.  An angel sat on my shoulder.

I just made some pea soup - I do love homemade pea soup.  Hope it lives up to my expectations.  It is chilly out today and yesterday we had a thunderstorm that lasted forever.

Well, Jes - I must send a card to Chris, Bob's grandson, who is now stationed in Az in the Airforce.  He has never been away from home for more than 4 days - so he needs mail to keep the "homesicks" away.  Till next time.

Snow in Late Winter 1997

Ah, snow!  Grammie loved it - to a point.  By late winter in New England, she (as most of us were) was ready for Spring.  Traveling between Vermont and Connecticut, she was constantly - and viscerally - reminded of the ways the seasons progressed.  Spring creeps in slowly in New England, peeking around corners and tiptoeing along.  As Grammie would likely agree, it makes the actual arrival all the sweeter!

February 18, 1997

The snow snowed all around - on the trees at Rowen Farm [in VT] and even on the ground.  There was already 2 ft of snow and then we had 6 inches more.  If one wanted to go into the mowing, you would need to use showshoes.  It was also down below 0, and did not get above freezing.  Like being in another world!  It was pretty and I took some pictures - BUT - it is good to be back home even if the porch still is not finished.

The first night in Vt. I put some chicken bones all wrapped up, in a foam 'doggie bag'.  That night, I heard a sound, like someone having a gnawing good time.  I got up and sure enough, there was a country mouse looking for a picnic!  I threw the bag over the barrel and he continued to gnaw - then quiet - he wanted to sleep.  But he continued in the morning - and then quiet again - he must have had his fill and off he went to his country mouse home.

March 2, 1997

We have been having some beautiful sunsets and the clouds have been very changeable.  I'm a cloud person too, as well as a tree person... The birds are beginning to sing and the trees are even budding.  But today, Sun., is a bit on the gloomy side - even tho it is warm.  Mon. - tonight we are supposed to have 2-5" of snow and a bit chilly, but, I guess, this all goes to making Spring.

March 24, 1997 - from Vermont

Here we are in snowland - like the North Pole it was 8 deg this morning.  When we arrived yesterday, we had to put on our boots to get to the door.  First Grampa had to plough our way thru the snow at the end of the drive that the snow-plough had left.  After I got Aunt G's boots on her, I started to the front seat to put on mine - and down I went - flat on my back.  It was slippery and I couldn't grab onto anything to pull myself up.  Finally made it.  Aunt G & I, holding onto each other made our way to the door.  The snow was very crusty and every step we sunk down above our boots.  So this morning we are going back to Spring.

Frustrations, Jan/Feb 1997

After a hiatus, I am back to transcribing Gram's letters.  This series from early 1997 reveals some frustrations that we all experience: unpleasant weather, unwanted advice, unfinished home projects....  As usual, Gram writes about them with humor and matter-of-factness.

 Jan. 16, 1997  

Welcome back to school!  Just as I began writing this the lights went out.  So now I have a bunch of candles lighting the way.  It sure is pouring.  Glad it's not snow.  I was going to clean off some of the shelves today, but doing things such as that by candlelight, won't work out too well.  Our backyard looks like a swimming pool, only it's kinda chilly to go swimming.

Jan. 20, 1997
I finally found a "hutch" for those beautiful rose dishes.  I had lots of fun putting things in it, but Grampa was sitting there giving unwanted advice.  Today while he is down cellar, I'll fix things as I want them.  It was so nice and sunny out and I'm sure it is warming up.  I can't wait to get outside  Maybe we'll have a January thaw.  The outdoor fireplace is full of wood so we'll have a hotdog roast.

Jan. 27, 1997
It looks like such a beautiful day, but the paper says snow.  Guess we will have to take what we get.  Grampa has just finished making a couple of birdhouses out of some old tree "knots."  Guess the birds won't mind.  Our porch is still not any further along, although the man did come out to measure for insulation.  He just didn't say what month he would be back to install it.  Now I must get dressed and see what mischief I can get into today.

Feb. 3, 1997
Yesterday was such a beautiful day, and we went to Scotland, Ct. for breakfast - a very pretty ride in the county.  The fields are all brown now and all the stone walls were in such good repair.  It all looked so neat.  I like the brown fields as well, if not better, than the green fields, with their promise of Spring.

There is now insulation in the porch ceiling - but no sheet rock yet.  I am getting very impatient, and I'd like to crack a few heads - but I guess that won't get me anywhere.

 Feb. 10, 1997
Your letter took 12 days to get here.  I think it came by wheelbarrow.  We have had some pleasant days but because we are going to Vt. on Thurs. - WATCH FOR SNOW!  It's generally like going into another world.  Yesterday we went to see Uncle Donald in Farmington, then stopped to see your Mom, Dad, and Beth.  Then it was on home to Lebanon but we stopped at a restaurant in Hebron for supper.  The smell of frying food was awful.  I had to take off most of my clothes as soon as we got home - I smelled!  Don't think we'll stop at that place again.

The porch is NOT finished.  I would like it done in my lifetime.

With the benefit of hindsight I can assure you that the porch does eventually get done!  :)